The World is Sick

Weather Control Machines!

My environmental modulation… module… has been serving me quite well these few days.

It has been slightly over a week since I have returned to Singapore, the land of unlimited bandwidth and perennial short shorts. These things are all well and good, but I have already fallen back into the old batch of problems.

This morning, or rather, afternoon, I was yelled at by my mother for sleeping in. Apparently, I was going overboard with this, and somehow this was going to lead to mental illness. She mentioned my uncle at one point, who suffered some sort of mental breakdown and lives at IMH. Yes, because enjoying my school vacation is going to end up with me being completely dysfunctional later in life. If there’s anything that is going to make me dysfunctional, it’s how bitter and cynical I’m going to become if I have to deal with this rubbish for much longer.

I wanted, ever so much, to point out that any way of life that isn’t hers turns out to be the wrong way to live. Is that a coincidence? I really don’t think so. I didn’t do this, of course, because my mother is completely irrational and the last thing I need right now is to have any privileges taken away from me.

So I went through the usual motions. Waited for her to get tired and go away. Slept a bit more out of spite, and also to prove that the universe doesn’t implode because one teenage boy wanted a little more sleep. Spent my entire morning- well, afternoon, shower thinking angry thoughts. Would I be able to make it on my own if I ran away? How would I pay for my higher education if one day, I just snapped and let loose everything that I have been hiding for so long?

Also, even if I do somehow accomplish all that, would I be breaking some sort of moral contract that requires me to take care of them in old age? Well, screw it. My brother gets along fine with my parents. He can do it.

Yes, these are the usual motions. This is not the first time I’ve gone over this in my head. Some time ago, I came dangerously close to coming out with my atheism. Over the next few days, I was panicked and distressed enough to start thinking of what I would do if got cut off. Who knows, maybe those plans would come in handy some day.